Pastor PReacher

I recently was accompanying a rather large family in preparing a service to honor their patriarch. I was blessed to be able to get to know him through invitation of his spouse, as he ended up bouncing back and forth between the hospital and rehab facility for several months. While not an avid church attender, he was always open to my pastoral presence. 

    I grew rather fond of him and his dry-wit and quiet faith, as we would see each other at least weekly if not several times during the week as his illness progressed. At the funeral, one of his daughters was sharing that for one of his hospitalizations he asked that I be called before his wife, because he was so worried that I would drive the forty minutes to the nursing home to see him that day just to find out that I wasn’t there. 

     In preparing for his service, one of his grandsons, a ministry student, asked if he could do the eulogy. I sensed that this was a final tribute for his grandpa and readily agreed. Only what came out in the next hour was that he didn’t actually know him very well, due to the private nature of his grandfather that he wasn’t used to as someone of a different generation.

    If I’m completely honest, I was becoming nervous - not just because of the wording choices being made or that this wasn’t how I would speak at a funeral service, but also because he is a ministry student at a school that has not always had the best track-record of lifting up women in ministry. 

    What I wanted to say to the grandson as he talked about his grandpa was “surprising wise” and “surprisingly a family man” before demanding that I tell him everything that his grandpa and I had talked about over my numerous visits (subtexts - to make sure he was saved) was that there is a difference between being a preacher and a pastor. 

    Preachers show up at funerals with their own theological agendas, having alter calls and lifting up scriptures that were important to them and not the deceased or their family. Preachers  can push for the dramatic conversion moment that appears to be more of a notch on their own belt instead of attending to the grief of the people in front of them. Preachers have no concern for the constraints and contexts of the service itself - placing themselves at the center of the day. 

    Pastors on the other hand know that their words matter, but so do their actions. Their showing up and trying to honor the family and their loved one. Pastors are going to continue to walk with the grieving family, week after week, well after the flowers have lost their bloom and the casseroles stop coming. Pastors care for the entire person, including their souls, but also their hearts that don’t know they are going to keep beating in the face of loss. 
 
     As such, pastors need to think about how their words will be heard and received, instead of simply saying whatever they wish. 

     I am a pastor who preaches. I am called to be a pastor who loves and cares and holds space for the grieving. And I will show up fully from that place, without alter calls, unless the family desires it, and holding fast to the Good News that we do not grieve in solitude, but as a community that hopes. 

    And as a pastor, I am often part of the grieving, not at the center, but holding the hands of everyone else who is right there with me. 

​     How do we teach young students how to be not just talented preachers, but wise pastors, with hearts big enough to hold both preacher and care-giver in the role that we have been called to step into?