The McDonald's MEme

Over the past few days my head and my heart have been returning to one of those pithy means that are shared to try to make a point about Christianity. This one says, “McDonald’s can mess your order up 101 times and you still keep going back… One thing goes wrong at Church and you quit. People just aren’t hungry enough.”

What this saying is missing is the component of safety. For many people, McDonald’s messing up an order is something forgotten or misunderstood. But when you have food safety issues, messing up has health consequences. 

I have a weird issue with digestive enzymes which makes me quite ill if I come into contact with foods I shouldn’t have. There are restaurants I don’t go back to anymore, because they weren’t honest about food prep, refused to accommodate me due to “the integrity of the dish”, or there were simply not things on the menu I could eat. For me, it isn’t about preferences or even being upset, it's about my health and safety. 

While yes, some people do leave churches and places of worship due to small upsets, more often than not I hear about people leaving because they have been deeply hurt. It isn’t safe for them. Theology has been used to cause wounds and justify behavior that harms them or their family. People speak pointedly in ways that demean another’s humanity or life experience. It isn’t a preference or a lack of hunger for community or God’s Word, it’s a safety issue. 

There have been a handful of times I have had to tell friends not to come visit me, either at the Christian college I attended or the churches I have served, because it would not be safe for them. It would cause deep harm. There have also been times that I have been harmed by the churches that I have served - both intentionally and unintentionally. There have even been a handful of instances where worship was not physically safe for me. I don’t deserve a badge of honor because I made the choice to keep showing up, even in instances where I probably shouldn’t have, just as much as those who choose to prioritize their safety and the safety of their loved ones don’t deserve to be villainized. 

​The problem is that if a place is so unsafe that the best option is to not show up, then usually the system/ organization is not willing and able to hear about the ways that they were unsafe. So all that is left is assumptions about why people no longer attend that paint those who have left in a harsh light. Maybe instead of assumptions we could start from a place of curiosity and wonder. A place of humility. Dare I say, even a place of repentance - that allows people to share the vulnerable parts of their stories of where we have done harm, without defensiveness. Maybe, just maybe, that will begin to heal our hearts and our culture of harm, bringing about a new story of justice and repair.