What's in a title?

“Before you go, what would you prefer to be called?” - an unexpected question posed by a funeral director as I was heading back to the church from a viewing. I must admit that this is a question I deeply struggle with. Titles often come with education and training that may not be accessible to everyone. There are groups of people who are excluded from being called “Pastor” and “Rev.” in my particular denomination. Yet, I also know that sometimes my titles are stripped away from me simply because I am a woman - as I hear colleagues referred to by their full title in deference to their authority. 

I took a deep breath and replied, “Michelle.” If I am honest, this is what I prefer to be referred to, especially by colleagues such as those in the funeral industry. We have worked with each other no less than a dozen times in the year and a half I have been living in my current city. I prefer to be in a situation where titles are set aside, and we see each other as partners in the grief work entrusted to us by those in deep seasons of loss in their lives.     

But in many ways, this is also what I prefer to be referred to by my congregation members. When I am “Michelle” and not “Pastor Michelle,” I feel as if a part of my humanity is restored that can be diminished by the title. If I am seen as Pastor, then it is easier for the weight of expectations, both my and the congregations, to slip in. Expectations around always being available and never saying “no,” which I have struggled with in the past and almost led to burnout early on in ministry.

“No. That seems too informal,” the funeral director continued, not abiding by my suggestion. “Okay about, about Pastor Michelle?” I countered back. I knew how my name had been written for the paper just a few days earlier - the Rev. Dr. Michelle Bodle, so I wasn’t surprised when the funeral director cocked his head to the side with furrowed brows. “But aren’t you ordained?”

Yes, I am ordained, and yes, I do have a Doctor of Ministry degree, but both came at a relational cost. I remember the first person outside my immediate family and Pastor I told that I was sensing a call to ministry that I would be obedient to respond to. I drove hours to a camp where a friend was serving as a counselor for the summer to share this news with him that I couldn’t contain. He essentially told me that I was going to Hell for disobeying God by being a woman in ministry. When I was ordained, one of the congregations I was serving struggled with my ordination because it may mean less time to commit to them. Or when I was pursuing a Doctor of Ministry degree out of love for the church and love for education, only to be told by one of the congregations I served that they didn’t think all that highly of education period or the seminary I was attending. Sometimes, titles come at a high cost. 

“You earned those titles,” the funeral director concluded. Earned seems like such a staunch word. Yes, I put in work, but I sometimes bristle against the authority it brings, both in the community and the church. I have a deep passion for learning that will probably result in a few more degrees, but that doesn’t change who I am - a person trying to follow the Spirit. And that is hard to fit into a title. 

​What struggles have you had around titles, and how do they influence how you appear in the world?